Useless Commentary: LeBron Floppa James


Bro. Those of you that know me know that I don’t watch the NBA for real, and the only time I REALLY watch is come playoff time, so you have to expect that once my roommates were glued to the TV for Saturday’s opening rounds, I was soon to join. But man, let me tell you how disappointed I was at the Heat/Knicks game. I knew the Heat were going to win, they’re too talented not to blow these dudes out the water, but even for a man who knows very little about the intricacies of basketball, I noticed one thing. LeBron James is probably the greatest actor in the universe, and by greatest I mean terrible. This man was flopping hard, I’m talking harder than Future’s album bruh, harder than Mo’Nique tripping up a flight of steps, harder than the TV remake of Charlie’s Angels bruh.

LeBron was flopping around at every possible opportunity, he was really out there looking like a real-life version of raggedy Andy, limbs flailing around as if they were loosely associated with Peyton Manning’s neck.

I don’t understand it really, you’re supposed to be the best player in the NBA, well, clearly the most talented, and yet you sell the things that a Javelle McGee should be selling. I understand that in some cases it’s part of the game, but I was watching die-hard BASKETBALL fans disgusted by the zip-zop-boopity-bop/Bill Cosby/My-limbs-are-made-of-jello-pudding performance that Bron put on.

But let’s be real, Metta World Peace’s People’s Elbow is top 10 on the list of the most disrespectful things to ever happen in sports. I laughed.

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