Can You Stand The Rain?


            When it’s good….mannnnnnnnnnnn it’s great. But when it’s bad….are you ready to bail? When I refer to can you stand the rain, I’m not talking about that sexy rain that makes crotches get slid to the side.

I’m not even talking about the kind of rain that you get drenched in but you’ll dry off and be no worse for wear. Well you may get the sniffles but you don’t feel death at your door.

I’m talking about the kind of rain that comes with names like Katrina!

Yeah, really bad storms in your relationship. The kind of messed-upness that when it comes, it makes you wish for a Rip Van Winkle sleep so it will be completely over when you wake up!!!

            You and your girl have been getting along. You hung up your Playa Card and endured the epic slander that is your boys saying she’s got you whipped because you’ve settled down a little.  It’s not marriage, but maybe one day… You’ve seen her without make-up and even on the days she wouldn’t dare let anyone else see her.

Somehow you still didn’t run away. You two have even had your share of arguments that ended in the best of make-up sex. This girl has got to be the one “or you’re caught in the Matrix” (thanks Jay-Z). In a word, you’re happy! Then it happens BOOM! The fight that has Hiroshima’d how things were and now you’re not so sure of how things will be anymore. That fight that brings about the need for a time machine because things were great just yesterday. You feel like if you could just get passed this, everything would be fine BUT for now

The first thing you have to understand, nobody EVER got over something by stopping. When you can’t get around it, you get over something by going through it to get to the other side. The first thing you have to do when things calm down a little, is fight fair. Apologize for any needlessly hurtful things you said during Round 1 but don’t do it to get an apology from her.  Do it because you didn’t mean to hurt her. Most men think women are simply too sensitive but sometimes, men are just too insensitive. She’s your girl because you felt she was the best choice from the pool of singles you had to choose from what was out there. If she’s not like them, then you can’t treat her like them. You actually care about her, show it when it counts.

             Second, realize that if she’s responding to you then that’s a good thing. If she is talking, then she’s still trying to work on the relationship with you. You may get a silent treatment at first. Think about some of the things you said, do you deserve the silent treatment for a little bit? If she wants to work through it, she’ll soon come off the silence.

             Thirdly, talking is great but you want to turn talking into communicating. A part of communicating includes actually listening to what the other person has to say. Another part is taking the time to make sure you UNDERSTAND what that person is trying to say, what point they are trying to get across. Sometimes you could be saying the same thing but because you didn’t use the right words that person needed to hear to get it… miscommunication ensues.  

 Real communication involves speaking without offending and listening without defending. – @DarkSkin

 No one can really tell you WHAT to say to get things on track but how about a game plan on HOW to say them. I’ll paraphrase a quote that gives you the sentiment of how to handle it: each time you discuss instead of demand, you strengthen your relationship. Same goes for speaking with respect instead of sarcasm, and listening instead of dismissing, and engaging instead discharging. 

             Finally, if communication is the key, then action is what gets the door open after it is unlocked. Once a compromise is reached, you have to take steps to implement the plan that the two of you agreed upon. If it sounded better as theory but the application doesn’t quite work for you, then bring it back to the table for discussion. Remember you had an agreement, don’t change what you decided together for something you decided alone.

 Do the work and you could start to see the rainbow and leave the storm behind.

 You could always just decide forget it all and get back in the dating pool. But let’s just be honest, she was your best choice when you were in the single area before.  You have changed and not just anyone will accept your protruding nipples with a straight face. Besides…

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